Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
