he looks like a really good dad on facebook
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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