Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
