I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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