Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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