At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
