remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
