he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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