i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
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