I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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