I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
