If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
