Christians are straight up FREAKS
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
