at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
