he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You made out with two different species that night
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
