I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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