dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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