you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Randomize
