His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
