her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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