Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Randomize
