Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
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