You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
