The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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