My nipple is on Facebook.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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