She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
