shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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