I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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