It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
