I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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