there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
