He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
