i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize