Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
