i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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