I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Vodka?
Forever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
