I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
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