she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
