Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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