im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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