Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
