well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
