Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
