Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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