Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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