am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Randomize
