Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Randomize
