I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
