it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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