How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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