i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
