i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
