I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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