I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
