Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Randomize