The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
