PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
you inspire me to be a worse person
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
