The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
