we were pretty classy up until the second keg
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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