Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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