mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
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