listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
