Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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