Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
