Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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